When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
