So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
