she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
