Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she told me i tasted like america
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
