Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
