I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How external is "for external use only"?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
