I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
