apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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