I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
NoShamevember. You game?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
