She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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