New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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