I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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