And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
