tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
