I'm jealous of your bromance
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
