Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
