i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Can Purell be used as lube?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
