when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
