Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
