I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
