nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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