I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
