That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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