we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
