I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
