totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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