I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
