just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
