I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
