you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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