I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
