He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
