I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This house was built for laser tag.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
