my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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