I just pynch a tree in the face
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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