Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i think i just lost a toe
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