if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
