eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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