Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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