"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
