I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
