She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
