he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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