So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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