so that wasnt chicken after all
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
