Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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