I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
