you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
