it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
