I bet he comes in French.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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