Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This is the prime rib incident all over again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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