Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
